Howdy,
I know I have not written in awhile. I have moved to my new abode and have no internet access, so I have had to hop down the road to a local joint so that I am able to write.
There is also another reason I don't write much. Lots of adventures. This morning, for example I saw 100's of those super big bunnies again. I couldn't believe my eyes. And now that I know what they taste like, I was salivating. Crying. Yummy roo tails.
My new house will suffice. It has wood floors so I spend a lot of time looking for the slightest bit of rug to lay on. The floors are cold and I am a skinny boy with very little fat, so I need the carpet to relax on. I have Paul and Suzanne trained pretty well, they feed my on cue and let me out the back door when I give them the look. I try not to bark too much, as the neighbors are quite grumpy people and I don't want to rouse them from their cave.
In general, life is good. I get the sense that the boys are happy. I am back on nana duty at night time and spend a considerable amount of time with them until they fall asleep, at which point in time I sneak out of their rooms to my own bed for some good ole r&r.
This is the first "warm" day we have had in awhile. I am looking forward to spring time here as I know it will mean more walks and more adventures and more kangaroos!
Until later, Dodge out.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Material Girl
I have never been the type that was really into material things. We have some pretty interesting stories about how we obtained some of our belongings. I will leave those stories to another time. I am one to tie emotions to my belongings and so many of them remind me of specific events or times in my life (to bad we sold the Johnny Hangover TV.)
Now, as the final countdown to our move in is on, I find myself becoming a material girl. I have been counting down the "sleeps" until our stuff arrives. Sunday, we will move into our rental. Monday, we expect the movers to arrive with our material items. Evan will be with his grandparents and Ian will be at school. This is a good thing as they won't see me cry like a baby when our couches and beds are unloaded. I am beyond excited to see my clothes, my bedding, even my art. And I am really excited to see the boys faces when they realize their beds are set up in their room and their toys have all arrived. It will literally be Christmas in July for all of us.
It's been two months in the making. Our stuff shipped out of College Station on Tuesday, May 20. We move into our new place on Sunday, July 20 and our stuff will be delivered on Monday, July 21. Two months of living out of suitcases for the most part. Two months of thinking about how I can't wait to sleep in my bed (there is nothing wrong with the bed I am currently sleeping in, but I have an attachment to my king sized bed!) Two months of waiting and I imagine that Monday will result in many tears of joy. But also a few tears of sadness. I know that when I start unpacking some of my office boxes there will be many memories of my former employment, along with the many friends I made in Aggieland. I know that the large Eiffel Tower that my students built for me is waiting to be unpacked. I hope it made the trip ok. I know there is a few new pieces of art including an Aggie one from my office and a Texas map. I am especially excited to see the photo album that my office put together with monthly notes. I missed out on June, so I will read those right away along with July.
For someone who does not consider material items to be of great importance, I am excited to say that Sunday and Monday I will be a material girl.
Now, as the final countdown to our move in is on, I find myself becoming a material girl. I have been counting down the "sleeps" until our stuff arrives. Sunday, we will move into our rental. Monday, we expect the movers to arrive with our material items. Evan will be with his grandparents and Ian will be at school. This is a good thing as they won't see me cry like a baby when our couches and beds are unloaded. I am beyond excited to see my clothes, my bedding, even my art. And I am really excited to see the boys faces when they realize their beds are set up in their room and their toys have all arrived. It will literally be Christmas in July for all of us.
It's been two months in the making. Our stuff shipped out of College Station on Tuesday, May 20. We move into our new place on Sunday, July 20 and our stuff will be delivered on Monday, July 21. Two months of living out of suitcases for the most part. Two months of thinking about how I can't wait to sleep in my bed (there is nothing wrong with the bed I am currently sleeping in, but I have an attachment to my king sized bed!) Two months of waiting and I imagine that Monday will result in many tears of joy. But also a few tears of sadness. I know that when I start unpacking some of my office boxes there will be many memories of my former employment, along with the many friends I made in Aggieland. I know that the large Eiffel Tower that my students built for me is waiting to be unpacked. I hope it made the trip ok. I know there is a few new pieces of art including an Aggie one from my office and a Texas map. I am especially excited to see the photo album that my office put together with monthly notes. I missed out on June, so I will read those right away along with July.
For someone who does not consider material items to be of great importance, I am excited to say that Sunday and Monday I will be a material girl.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
The Fighter
It seems I had a few people worried about Mr. Cellophane. Please remember that I am writing this blog to share my feelings with the students I left at Texas A&M- hoping they can find some comfort in knowing that I have experienced feelings of homesickness and a sense of not belonging. Perhaps something similar to what they may have experienced when moving away from home to go to university. Really- no need to worry about my well being.
This brings me to my next subject. As I begin rebuilding my identity here, I am faced with a few familiarities from the past. While running today (on a treadmill- it's rainy and cold here in Melbourne) I had a song come on my running mix. It reminded me of a few years ago, running early in the morning in the summer of 2012. I would run the streets of Castlegate around 5:30 am; it was dark, lonely, and perfect. I only had Dodge to keep me company. And this was fine. I was stressed at work. I wasn't sure where we were going or how the team would make it through the next few challenging months. We had some pretty unhappy employees, who clearly needed to move forward. I had many people judging me thinking I was not strong enough to handle the challenges which were in front of me. I had many people just waiting to see me fail.
Have you ever had someone thinking you could not do something?
I certainly have, in many different situations. Perhaps this pain comes from some of my family thinking I would not make anything of myself after my mother passed away when I was 15. I fought my way through a lot of questionable times, with the help of my brother. Two university degrees, a husband, two kids later- I think I have made something for myself. The last time we went to visit my mother's grave, I felt proud standing there and knowing that she was looking down on what I had become.
The key to overcoming obstacles, to believing that you can accomplish a goal, to proving others wrong is to be a fighter. There are many mornings you might not feel like getting out of bed, not feel like going to class, going to work, etc. The challenge is to press on through the pain and accomplish whatever you are there today.
In case you are wondering, the song I heard today was The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes.
Just waking up in the morning, and to be well.
Quite honest with ya, I ain't really sleep well.
Ya ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed? That when you press on...
I am a fighter, and I will find a new identity. I knew this transition would be difficult, but I will press on.
This brings me to my next subject. As I begin rebuilding my identity here, I am faced with a few familiarities from the past. While running today (on a treadmill- it's rainy and cold here in Melbourne) I had a song come on my running mix. It reminded me of a few years ago, running early in the morning in the summer of 2012. I would run the streets of Castlegate around 5:30 am; it was dark, lonely, and perfect. I only had Dodge to keep me company. And this was fine. I was stressed at work. I wasn't sure where we were going or how the team would make it through the next few challenging months. We had some pretty unhappy employees, who clearly needed to move forward. I had many people judging me thinking I was not strong enough to handle the challenges which were in front of me. I had many people just waiting to see me fail.
Have you ever had someone thinking you could not do something?
I certainly have, in many different situations. Perhaps this pain comes from some of my family thinking I would not make anything of myself after my mother passed away when I was 15. I fought my way through a lot of questionable times, with the help of my brother. Two university degrees, a husband, two kids later- I think I have made something for myself. The last time we went to visit my mother's grave, I felt proud standing there and knowing that she was looking down on what I had become.
The key to overcoming obstacles, to believing that you can accomplish a goal, to proving others wrong is to be a fighter. There are many mornings you might not feel like getting out of bed, not feel like going to class, going to work, etc. The challenge is to press on through the pain and accomplish whatever you are there today.
In case you are wondering, the song I heard today was The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes.
Just waking up in the morning, and to be well.
Quite honest with ya, I ain't really sleep well.
Ya ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed? That when you press on...
I am a fighter, and I will find a new identity. I knew this transition would be difficult, but I will press on.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Mr. Cellophane
This morning I woke up crying from a dream I had last night. I had walked into my old office only to find business as usual. They did not notice I was there, nor did they care. I was forgotten.
I grew up feeling this way. From the time I was a kid, through my university career I felt like Mr. Cellophane. "You could look right through me, walk right by me and never know I'm there." There was not really anything special about me. I was always just a member of the team, but never the star.
When I got to Texas A&M to go to grad school and work, that really had not changed. I was still just doing my thing, some would notice. Others, in my mind, started to believe. By the time I landed in my role in Scholarships & Financial Aid, I started to feel that the cellophane was being pulled back and I was finally able to start to shine. A lot of that was because of the trust provided in me by others. Some of that was because my purpose and identity had finally started developing.
By the time I was in my last role as the Associate Director, my identity and purpose had grown very strong. I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I had a pretty good idea of how I would accomplish the task. There were days I felt like Major Winters, leading my team with a sense of purpose in the projects and tasks at hand. There were always tasks that I did not particularly like to do, but in general I enjoyed getting up every morning and going to my office. I had friends there; I had amazing students; I had opportunities to do things I had not imagined I could do. Other days I felt like Captain Speirs- running through the fire on a prayer that I would make it through the other side and live another day to lead the team. Most days, I felt like Iron Man leading the Avengers- a team of heroes pulled together to help accomplish their goal. I felt like a superstar. Finally, I was seen. I had identity. I had purpose.
Here, I have experienced a loss for my purpose and my identity.
Yes, I am a mother. But for those who really know me, you will understand that although I love my children dearly, I need more in life. I would do anything for them, don't get me wrong. But I am also my own being and don't live to serve them alone. I respect stay at home moms. But it is not me. I saw on an email the other day a mom who signed her email with so-in-so's mom...that makes me cringe.
Chickering and Reisser would probably be proud that I could still relate to their 7 vectors of identity development. I feel that I have started over from vector 1. Developing Competence. Even Moving through Autonomy toward Interdependence (vector 3). Believe it or not, I can get myself around town a little better now.
Here I feel like Mr. Cellophane once again. I am hoping that my sense of identity will come back soon and I can be someone other than a mother. I don't mean to be negative about this experience, but I am not Pollyanna (I in fact despise people telling me to look for the positive). I am a realistic person and don't need to pretend that I am happy all the time. If I could go back, I would in a heart beat. But it's not possible. That part of my life is gone now. I am not through the grieving process, so please don't tell me to get over it.
Mr. Cellophane should have been my name...
I grew up feeling this way. From the time I was a kid, through my university career I felt like Mr. Cellophane. "You could look right through me, walk right by me and never know I'm there." There was not really anything special about me. I was always just a member of the team, but never the star.
When I got to Texas A&M to go to grad school and work, that really had not changed. I was still just doing my thing, some would notice. Others, in my mind, started to believe. By the time I landed in my role in Scholarships & Financial Aid, I started to feel that the cellophane was being pulled back and I was finally able to start to shine. A lot of that was because of the trust provided in me by others. Some of that was because my purpose and identity had finally started developing.
By the time I was in my last role as the Associate Director, my identity and purpose had grown very strong. I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I had a pretty good idea of how I would accomplish the task. There were days I felt like Major Winters, leading my team with a sense of purpose in the projects and tasks at hand. There were always tasks that I did not particularly like to do, but in general I enjoyed getting up every morning and going to my office. I had friends there; I had amazing students; I had opportunities to do things I had not imagined I could do. Other days I felt like Captain Speirs- running through the fire on a prayer that I would make it through the other side and live another day to lead the team. Most days, I felt like Iron Man leading the Avengers- a team of heroes pulled together to help accomplish their goal. I felt like a superstar. Finally, I was seen. I had identity. I had purpose.
Here, I have experienced a loss for my purpose and my identity.
Yes, I am a mother. But for those who really know me, you will understand that although I love my children dearly, I need more in life. I would do anything for them, don't get me wrong. But I am also my own being and don't live to serve them alone. I respect stay at home moms. But it is not me. I saw on an email the other day a mom who signed her email with so-in-so's mom...that makes me cringe.
Chickering and Reisser would probably be proud that I could still relate to their 7 vectors of identity development. I feel that I have started over from vector 1. Developing Competence. Even Moving through Autonomy toward Interdependence (vector 3). Believe it or not, I can get myself around town a little better now.
Here I feel like Mr. Cellophane once again. I am hoping that my sense of identity will come back soon and I can be someone other than a mother. I don't mean to be negative about this experience, but I am not Pollyanna (I in fact despise people telling me to look for the positive). I am a realistic person and don't need to pretend that I am happy all the time. If I could go back, I would in a heart beat. But it's not possible. That part of my life is gone now. I am not through the grieving process, so please don't tell me to get over it.
Mr. Cellophane should have been my name...
Monday, June 30, 2014
Shopping, Eating, Drinking and Playing Aussie Style
Recently, we have been busy purchasing items that we had to sale before we moved here. Car #1? Check. A Nissan Pathfinder (Named Blue). Car #2? Check. A Mazda 3 (Named Steel). This weekend we continued the shop fest by purchasing all at the same time a washer, dryer, fridge, TV, microwave, vacuum, kettle, toaster, and DVD player. By bundling it all together, we were able to save a lot of money. Delivery set for July 20. Next up was a dining table. Done! Delivery set for June 20. We don't anticipate purchasing too much until after we move in. But in June they have the sales called "Stocktake" which is essentially similar to the end of the year sales back in the States. I am not sure why it is during this time of the year, but with it being so cold outside perhaps the only thing you can do is head inside and do some damage.
Speaking of cold, I know it was cold in Texas this past winter. Perhaps I am a bit more acclimated because of that but it does seem colder to me. No snow or ice in Melbourne, but it is bitter and chills you to the bone. This results in lots of hot drinks (coffee, tea, etc.) I noticed today that I have had more cappuccinos than I would have ever had back in Texas, and yet proudly enough I have not been to a Starbucks. Here, it is all about supporting the local cafe. Literally you can find little cafes everywhere you go. However, today the boys were thrilled to have a sandwich at Subway. They had been asking for it for weeks, so we finally gave in. Lucky for us there was a Sushi Sushi place next store, so we just grabbed their sandwiches and then grabbed our lunch. They were happy. We were happy.
The boys have been keeping busy playing Aussie Rules, or "Footy." They have managed to make it to two games so far, and have enrolled in Auskick. Ian is obsessed beyond means, but still loves his Aggie football too. He will be thrilled to find out that just when Aussie Rules is finishing, American football will be starting up.
Speaking of Ian, the all-American/Australian kid will turn 7 on Friday. It will be a bit different for him considering he won't be in the states to celebrate on July 4. The day will literally be all about him as he will not share the attention with 'Merica.
So, to sum up:
We shop.
We eat.
We drink coffee.
We shop some more.
We play footy.
We watch footy.
I poke my eyes out from having to listen about footy.
And then we go to bed.
Pretty much sums it up.
Speaking of cold, I know it was cold in Texas this past winter. Perhaps I am a bit more acclimated because of that but it does seem colder to me. No snow or ice in Melbourne, but it is bitter and chills you to the bone. This results in lots of hot drinks (coffee, tea, etc.) I noticed today that I have had more cappuccinos than I would have ever had back in Texas, and yet proudly enough I have not been to a Starbucks. Here, it is all about supporting the local cafe. Literally you can find little cafes everywhere you go. However, today the boys were thrilled to have a sandwich at Subway. They had been asking for it for weeks, so we finally gave in. Lucky for us there was a Sushi Sushi place next store, so we just grabbed their sandwiches and then grabbed our lunch. They were happy. We were happy.
The boys have been keeping busy playing Aussie Rules, or "Footy." They have managed to make it to two games so far, and have enrolled in Auskick. Ian is obsessed beyond means, but still loves his Aggie football too. He will be thrilled to find out that just when Aussie Rules is finishing, American football will be starting up.
Speaking of Ian, the all-American/Australian kid will turn 7 on Friday. It will be a bit different for him considering he won't be in the states to celebrate on July 4. The day will literally be all about him as he will not share the attention with 'Merica.
So, to sum up:
We shop.
We eat.
We drink coffee.
We shop some more.
We play footy.
We watch footy.
I poke my eyes out from having to listen about footy.
And then we go to bed.
Pretty much sums it up.
Dodge with a Blog Down Under: Kanga-What?
Ducks.
Cows.
Rabbits.
Really big rabbits.
Wait- what are those?
I have never, in my life been called a bad dog. I have great manners. I listen. I come. I sit. I stay. But on this particular day at the "farm" (OMG best place on earth, totes magotes) I thought I saw the biggest rabbits in my life. I chased and ran, and ran, and ran. So much in fact that I could no longer hear Paul or Suzanne call my name. When Suzanne came chasing me down later and said "bad dog" I was not sure what to do, so I just kept running the other direction. Imagine my surprise when said "rabbits" jumped over the very large fence that was intended to keep the cows out. WTH mate? What was it. I had to know.
That night, while the others slept I decided to google what Paul kept referring to as a "roo." I searched for "big rabbit" and "extra large bunny" but had no luck. So, then I tried to spell out what I thought he said...kangaROO. Google started working away and then the picture came up. That was it! This is what I saw. I could not believe my eyes and can't wait to go back to the farm to chase them some more.
Dodge out.
Cows.
Rabbits.
Really big rabbits.
Wait- what are those?
I have never, in my life been called a bad dog. I have great manners. I listen. I come. I sit. I stay. But on this particular day at the "farm" (OMG best place on earth, totes magotes) I thought I saw the biggest rabbits in my life. I chased and ran, and ran, and ran. So much in fact that I could no longer hear Paul or Suzanne call my name. When Suzanne came chasing me down later and said "bad dog" I was not sure what to do, so I just kept running the other direction. Imagine my surprise when said "rabbits" jumped over the very large fence that was intended to keep the cows out. WTH mate? What was it. I had to know.
That night, while the others slept I decided to google what Paul kept referring to as a "roo." I searched for "big rabbit" and "extra large bunny" but had no luck. So, then I tried to spell out what I thought he said...kangaROO. Google started working away and then the picture came up. That was it! This is what I saw. I could not believe my eyes and can't wait to go back to the farm to chase them some more.
Dodge out.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Random Crap You Probably Don't Care About
I have often times kept my thoughts to myself on specific subjects, especially on social media. I did this mainly because I worked for a state institution and understood that I represented something bigger. I also did this because I did not want to offend anyone. I may lose a few friends over what I say, but oh well. I am not up for discussions on anything below, just thought I would finally say what I think. For my close friends, none of this will surprise you because I would vocalize around you all.
1. GLBT issues. "Issue" is an interesting word as it seems to lead one to believe that something might be wrong. The truth in case is that I take no issue with the GLBT community, and in fact believe that everyone should be allowed to love who they want to and live their life in a way they want to. With so much hate in the world, so much violence, so many horrible things- why are we so focused on preventing love? Yes, I support equal marriage. Yes, I support adoptions or surrogates for any couple who has the love and the means to raise a family. Love is not a bad thing so stop treating it like it is. Providing love to another person, especially when so many go without it, cannot be a bad thing. I believe that everyone has the right to live their life in the way they need to and that no one should judge. I also believe that those who focus their energy on passing judgment and fighting about this should refocus on other "problems" in the world. Why do people waste their time worrying about how others are living their lives? Go volunteer at the food bank, or hunt down people who do horrible things to kids. Stop the hate.
2. Gun control. OMG I am a bad Texan I know. I get it. I should be able to carry a gun just in case someone walks on campus or in my office. I have the right to defend myself, right? Well- guess what? I believe in the law enforcement officers and the dedication they have to their jobs. I don't want to carry. And I don't want others carrying. How the hell am I supposed to know who is the good guys and who is the bad guys? Furthermore, why people claim they have the "right" to carry a gun I believe I have the right to send my children to school and not worry that some gun toting idiot will walk in to their school and start firing. I also don't believe you need a semi-automatic weapon for "hunting." I fully support the freedom we have in America and I appreciate those who fight for it. But I won't lie- as homesick as I am for Texas, at least I don't have to worry about mass shootings. Here the bad guys shoot the bad guys. But because of their strict gun laws, I don't have to worry about who is carrying and walking into my kids school. They had their last mass shooting in 1996. Google it. Enjoy. By the way- in a zombie apocalypse, I will carry a bow and arrow. Or use by boots to stomp their heads in. So, I really have nothing to worry about there.
3. Prancellor Sharp. I worked at Texas A&M for 13 years. I enjoyed my time most under Dr. Robert Gates. He was the type of leader I would follow off a cliff if need be. I didn't mind working for the other Presidents who followed. However- Sharp did things a bit different. I will not pretend to know all of the ins and outs of the politics, but I will let you know my perception. I support the fact that the activity analysis was ordered; I believe looking for efficiencies is always a good thing. However, I believe the Chancellor's office should apply the same rules and take a good, long hard look in the mirror. My own two cents.
4. Texting and driving. Again- something you can't do in Australia. If you are caught texting or talking on the phone in your car you will be fined. It seems that many people think it is (once again) their right to text, talk, read the newspaper, do whatever they want while driving down the road. And once again, I think that people should feel safe on the roads. If you want to kill yourself, fine. Don't endanger the lives of those I love.
5. And while I am at it- the right to pull over and search without reason is not a bad thing. Why you ask? Because the drinking and driving laws are so strict here that you really cannot avoid the penalties. They set up random stops and can pull anyone over they want to and administer a breathalyzer. Many people would claim that this is a violation of rights, freedoms- whatever. If it keeps my family safe from stupid people, then I am ok with it.
Random crap, but things I think about now that I have the time.
1. GLBT issues. "Issue" is an interesting word as it seems to lead one to believe that something might be wrong. The truth in case is that I take no issue with the GLBT community, and in fact believe that everyone should be allowed to love who they want to and live their life in a way they want to. With so much hate in the world, so much violence, so many horrible things- why are we so focused on preventing love? Yes, I support equal marriage. Yes, I support adoptions or surrogates for any couple who has the love and the means to raise a family. Love is not a bad thing so stop treating it like it is. Providing love to another person, especially when so many go without it, cannot be a bad thing. I believe that everyone has the right to live their life in the way they need to and that no one should judge. I also believe that those who focus their energy on passing judgment and fighting about this should refocus on other "problems" in the world. Why do people waste their time worrying about how others are living their lives? Go volunteer at the food bank, or hunt down people who do horrible things to kids. Stop the hate.
2. Gun control. OMG I am a bad Texan I know. I get it. I should be able to carry a gun just in case someone walks on campus or in my office. I have the right to defend myself, right? Well- guess what? I believe in the law enforcement officers and the dedication they have to their jobs. I don't want to carry. And I don't want others carrying. How the hell am I supposed to know who is the good guys and who is the bad guys? Furthermore, why people claim they have the "right" to carry a gun I believe I have the right to send my children to school and not worry that some gun toting idiot will walk in to their school and start firing. I also don't believe you need a semi-automatic weapon for "hunting." I fully support the freedom we have in America and I appreciate those who fight for it. But I won't lie- as homesick as I am for Texas, at least I don't have to worry about mass shootings. Here the bad guys shoot the bad guys. But because of their strict gun laws, I don't have to worry about who is carrying and walking into my kids school. They had their last mass shooting in 1996. Google it. Enjoy. By the way- in a zombie apocalypse, I will carry a bow and arrow. Or use by boots to stomp their heads in. So, I really have nothing to worry about there.
3. Prancellor Sharp. I worked at Texas A&M for 13 years. I enjoyed my time most under Dr. Robert Gates. He was the type of leader I would follow off a cliff if need be. I didn't mind working for the other Presidents who followed. However- Sharp did things a bit different. I will not pretend to know all of the ins and outs of the politics, but I will let you know my perception. I support the fact that the activity analysis was ordered; I believe looking for efficiencies is always a good thing. However, I believe the Chancellor's office should apply the same rules and take a good, long hard look in the mirror. My own two cents.
4. Texting and driving. Again- something you can't do in Australia. If you are caught texting or talking on the phone in your car you will be fined. It seems that many people think it is (once again) their right to text, talk, read the newspaper, do whatever they want while driving down the road. And once again, I think that people should feel safe on the roads. If you want to kill yourself, fine. Don't endanger the lives of those I love.
5. And while I am at it- the right to pull over and search without reason is not a bad thing. Why you ask? Because the drinking and driving laws are so strict here that you really cannot avoid the penalties. They set up random stops and can pull anyone over they want to and administer a breathalyzer. Many people would claim that this is a violation of rights, freedoms- whatever. If it keeps my family safe from stupid people, then I am ok with it.
Random crap, but things I think about now that I have the time.
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