It's been awhile since I written. This has been intentional. The past few months have been difficult, and the past month has been different and challenging in new ways. There have been times in which I have felt very confused. Thrilled to spend time with Evan while Ian is at school and yet bored with the day. I have struggled with the fact that I want to be with the kids, be present for drop off and pick ups, be there for as many cuddles as I can and the fact that I would like to work in an office again, where I can assist people in maximizing their strengths.
I have read many blogs and articles recently about staying at home with children and being a working mother. I can say that I agree with both sides of the story, but for me there was one that resonated with me- the fact that I want my children to know I did something for myself, made a difference in the lives of others which is tied to my core values, and followed my passions. Different mothers have different passions. My passion is to help people while also being available for my children. I believe I have found a good position to help me support my passion.
I am to start a new job at Deakin University next week (as long as all is good with my work visa.) This job is supposed to be family friendly…in the sense that I was told that when you leave at 5 pm, you truly leave the work behind. I was not sure if I believe this, but after trying to get a response from people after 5 pm I believe this is really the case. Furthermore, the Aussies have many laws in place which ensure you can have a balance. For example, there are options for flexible work schedules which could result in 4.5 day weeks or 19 day months, etc. You can also "purchase" leave so that you can take more weeks off which is good for school holidays. I will explore this more after I start to determine the best schedule for our family.
What I have discovered is that in the US, I loved to work but that I really was living to work. Here I believe the philosophy is that you work to live…meaning you work so that you can maintain your desired lifestyle. I loved my job at Texas A&M, but I spent many nights awake with anxiety over a variety of issues, whether it was tied to a student situation or perhaps an impossible task. While working in scholarships and financial aid may not seem too stressful, it is interesting to know that often times a mess up could result in the loss of funding, whether it be private, state, or federal. Furthermore, when you have 60,000 students at your campus, you have many emails, phone calls and visitors which require full attention. Add donors and foundations in, along with institutional, state, and federal "visitors" or auditors, and you typically have very little time to spend on your actual job tasks. This often means that those staff are working late hours and weekends, and not sleeping through the peak times. When it comes to funding ones education, finances can be a stressor and those in the scholarships and financial aid office know this. We were often times the subject of criticism because one or more processes had run into issues, often times outside of our direct control. We always worked however to do the very best we could for our students. It was stressful. I took a lot of the stress home. Even when I was with the children I was often times thinking about little Sallie or Joe Aggie and wondering what I could do to rectify the situation or what options I could provide to help them out. I couldn't leave it at the office. Texas A&M was my life and my identity. (Perhaps you should hug your Scholarships & Financial Aid advisor today!)
Knowing how stressed I was back at home, I was a bit worried to apply for a job and go back to work. I enjoyed my stress free mornings of getting Ian to school and hanging the laundry on the line without any major rush. However, I applied for the job, went on the interview (the only interview I have had) and was offered the position last week. If all goes well with my visa, I should start next Monday.
I am looking forward to going back to work and to learning all about the university system here. I am hoping that I will be able to use my teaching and facilitation experience one day, but for now I am going to enjoy advising students and then going home at the end of the day to my kiddos.
Nothing can replace my time at Texas A&M. With all the stress, came a lot of joy. The students that I was able to work with always made my day blessed, even when I was dealing with some of the not-so-pleasant ones (the good outnumbered the bad.)
The boys aren't to sure about me going back to work, but I have told them it is a necessity right now. I don't want to miss out on any time with them however, and so I will always evaluate the situation and be sure that my work does not become my identity. I don't want to live to work, but work to live and spend time with my family.
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