I Think I Can, I Think I Can

Wednesday morning was my first official day of being unemployed. I started the morning by going to have a facial and massage, then later that afternoon had a haircut. It was incredibly relaxing. Almost too much so. I found myself thinking too much, which only makes me more stressed about this move.

That night I cried. Cried so hard and swore we had made the wrong decision. I fell asleep and awoke to a new day. I had breakfast with a former student (Ana Davila) which last two hours. I decided at that point in time that life is too short, and my time in College Station was limited. I wanted to go to the office. So, I did just that. I drove down New Main, parked near the Pavilion, then climbed the stairs. It felt so right. I reached the doors that say "Staff Only" and walked right through them with no hesitation. Said my hellos, said my goodbyes and then left to get stuff done. We have been so busy getting ready for this move. We have many things we have had to get rid of and sale, and go through, etc. Paul has taken care of the majority of it, but it was time for me to step up. I start making calls to the variety of places to cancel services and close out accounts. I needed to get on board with the move.

Each night I go through the same feelings...crying, doubting, then I sleep and wake up to a new day. I try to focus on the adventures we will have and the new opportunities.

Friday morning I walked Ian to school. He was quite hesitant at first but on the walk he told me "it must be a special day"...that made me feel so good. For years I have wanted the opportunity to do things like that with my kids. I expect to have many more mornings to be similar to this experience.  We discussed the fact that after the move we would be making new friends and discovering new things. This seemed to make him excited. I had a glimpse of the identity that I need to assume with this move. I need to support my children and focus on them.

I feel like the little engine that could everyday saying "I think I can, I think I can." I know I can, but it has been difficult to accept that I won't be living in Texas much longer.

Change is hard. Getting out of your comfort zone is difficult. I have led students and staff through change and now I have an opportunity to lead my family through it.